I am competitive guy.Which is also a reason that made me for who i am,being strong.However,i still dont regard myself as strong.I train for a reason,to be able to protect myself ,my belief,or anybody in particular.I find that being unable to protect even yourself is kinda sad.For me ,that all it matters for training.
Being so,i have been able to complete my 2.4km in 8.59seconds,due to being competitive and yet i dont think i could have done it with myself.It is bad in a way that i set others as a target while being unable to set myself as my own target.It's like a form of dependence.I completed my 4.8km being the second.To me , i did well and yet without that guy infront i wouldnt be able to.It's kinda ironic , in a way.
The other issue isthat i wonder whether it's me who close my heart and create the barrier against people or that it's that who keep turning me off.My barrier just seems to get thicker as day passed.It just get stronger and thicker that one day it just seems that i can survive with myself alone.I need not have to adjust myself for others..I just wonder...
